I Hate Myself
Monday, September 22, 2008
"How can I possibly forget you, when everywhere I go you're there and everything you do makes me feel that I'm so special. Maybe I was just blinded by my own fantasy and making myself believe that it was meant to be. At least, somehow it was. But it never happened and will never be."
Gawd, I'm actually not in the perfect mood to update. After I realized how STUPID I was these past few days, believing that there's something magical or maybe even better. But all of it was just "make-believes". But I can't undo anything now, damaged has been done and only me can repair it, but when? I just can't find the way to start things on my own. I can't just possibly forget about him eventually. He's on my mind, everyday, even when I don't want to see him, he's there lingering at the very corners of mind. Damn. I hate myself, I just hate ME.
Why does it have to be him?
Not all good things ends up good.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Aiko, Niq, Jam, Tracy, Denver and Me
September 12,2008
So, I started the day with a fresh smile and hoping that this day would come out fine and well, good. But unfortunately half of this WHOLE day was just not perfect at all.
I came to school around 12:30 P.M because I had a class @ 1-4 P.M and it's actually our final submission of our theses at SAD. Luckily, we finished all the requirements and it all went good. Our professor signed our theses and will schedule for our theses defense. So, all we need to do is just wait for our scheduled defense. During our SAD class, Tracy kept on texting me that they are going to drink at Kaga and actually teasing me that they were with "dee". So, I texted her that I might be coming but not sure if I will. But I really wanted to. So after my class, I did. Yeah, I actually did :)). And so I arrived at Kaga. I don't know where to sit, although I saw a space between tracy and dee's seats. And dee offered me the seat beside him, yeah, you guessed it, I sitted beside him. What a bitch :)).
While we were having fun, he talked to me, HE DID. For the very first time he did! And I acted normal, of course. He asked me so many things but I still remembered some details.
Dee: San ka galing?Me: Sa school.Dee: Ano ginawa mo dun?Me: May class kc ako eh.Dee: Anong subject?Me: SAD.Dee: Kaklase ba nten sya sa SAD (to romerz).
That's just a part of it. I turned my attention to tracy because I can't help myself :)). Until JAM came. I finally relaxed myself coz she finally came, with her, I can enjoy more of the bitchy-ness within US :)). The fun continues and dee sang. Although it's corny but he sang me a song. Na-corny-han tlga ko. PROMISE. :))
After some time he talked to me again and this really pushed my adrenaline to the highest level.
Dee: San ka umuuwe?Me: Sa Pasay.Dee: Pasay!? (pasigaw pa c gago)Me: Oo.Dee: Kala ko sa paranaque ka. Eh, ano sasakyan mo pauwe?Me: LRT.Dee: Sabay kna lng saken, mag FX nlng tau.Me: Tingnan ko pa.Dee: Sige na, wla akong kasabay eh.Me: Bahala na.Dee: (to our "ka-inumans") Oh, sabay na kame ni neil uuwi ha.
That really excites me. As if its one heck of a day for me, but unfortunately t'was not. It was around 7:00 in the evening during that same time, I told him I got to go, he refused and said that it's too early and we're gonna have 1 set of beers pa. I refused to drink anymore but I stayed there with Tracy. Me and Tracy are the only one who's left there. Jam, Aiko and Norfel already left. So I asked him again kung cno pa hinihintay namen, he said "Ka TROPA ko". After some time at exactly 7:30, he went out, and when he came back, he was with this GIRL [I still don't know if it was his girlfriend or ka-fling, sabi kc ng classmate ko ndi nya daw GF un eh]. So, he changed his seat, He and his girl seated right after romerz seat. And there I almost bent out my knees. Thanks to Tracy, napigilan ko. I acted like I don't see anything, and I tried to laugh with the best that I can with Tracy, but yeah, Romers saw my tears fall as I hid them :)). hahahaha, silly me, caught up crying. Romers and Tracy comforted me and they both acted like nothing was going on.
It all ends up, me going home alone and everything just went crazy. I guess he was just drunk after all. It was just a "make-believe's. So good to be true :) and it breaks me, BIG TIME!
September 13, 2008
Today. Had my practice at Letran Jazz Endanza. After that, me and my friends went to Kaga [again], but this time I did not drink. I'm not a drinker yah know. Okay, I was thinking of something this day that I couldn't get out my mind. It was about what happened yesterday. Yeah. Roxette and me, had a great talk about LOVE. I understand her point of view about my situation and I'm glad I got a friend like her. She doesn't want me to end up getting hurt. So I'm trying to take her advice, hope I can. The drinking session of theirs end up at 6:00 P.M, we all went to 7-11 to have some dinner[?], snacks[?], perfumes[?], etc. And part ways at LRT.
P.S [Happy 1st Monthsary Jam and Justine. mmmmmuah!]
So much for the drama.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
The best thing about love is that it makes you feel that somehow you are free to explore your world and do whatever you want to, whether it's good or bad, the feeling is just indescribable.
I just watched Camp Rock and really, I wasn't satisfied with the movie. I mean, the movie is very predictable and childish[?] - (sorry camp rock fans), but it is. But what I like about the whole movie is that the flow of the story is good and very consistent. I like Demi Lovato who played Mitchie, she's good although I pretty think that she over-acted while singing the the last song "This is Me" with Joe Jonas playing Shane Gray. But the main reason I watched it is because of the ♥Jonas Brothers, hahahaha. :]
Today is sunday and I should be getting ready to go to sleep but unfortunately I can't. I have this "insomnia" thing yah know :). I have nothing in particular to post right now, I just felt like updating and that's not a bad thing isn't it? :)
I just finished my paperworks or those THESIS things which I need to pass before friday and it tore my whole brain apart! - gawd.
I'm actually thinking about buying a Purity Ring, nothing, I just felt like I want to buy one :)). But for some reason, I still am a kid, and still fresh, so why not? I'm definitely gonna buy one, maybe this week, when I got the chance to hang-out, I will. :)
That's it. Got to go.
Ciao! ♥
What to say and What to do.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
♥I Love Them♥
This photo was taken last thursday, September 4, 2008 @ KAGA, Intramuros.
Actually, I don't know what I should post. I just realized that I wasn't posting any updates :)). Anyways, last thursday, me and my friends decided to have a "good time" for old times sake.
Oo, nag-inuman nga kame, haha. It became one of my unforgettable days, because it was fun, gross and funny at the same time.
First, at our first set of beers, nahilo agad ako [kasi nmn, hindi ako sanay uminom], and on our second set, I gave up. But they still continued up to the 3rd set. Dana got drunk and she vomitted, yuck :)). After drinking and having a "good-time" and since Dana is drunk, we decided to stay at Tasha's place to spend time and for dana to relax. It took me 4 hours waiting for dana to be on herself again and we got home at almost 12:30 a.m. hmph.
It was funny because, KEVIN [I mentioned about him in my previous post before], was getting mad at me, without no reason. I think it's because I was drinking alcohol, so what? what does he care? He keeps on texting me for about 33 messages and a total of 16 missed calls :)). hahahaha, and me having no reply's at all. Until yesterday came, we ate at MAX's Restaurant at SM Manila, and he told me about the other day and why was I not replying with all of his texts and calls. I said, I forgot my phone at our house and ka-boom! I was caught in my silly lie, I forgot that I texted him later that day during our break. oh~oh~oh. hahahaha. And after that, he smiled and said:
Kevin: Hindi mo naman kc kailangan magsinungaling eh.
Me: Eh kasi eh, ang
gulo mo.
Kevin: Ako pa magulo, ikaw kaya. Tatanungin ko lng nmn kc sayo
kagabi na
kung pwede ka ngaun, pero ndi ka nagreply.
Me: Ganun, sorry.
Kevin: Ok lng, ayoko nmang agawin ka sa mga kaibigan mo eh.
After that, I stopped talking and began to think deeply. "
"Mali ba ginawa ko?" This question keeps running on my mind for that whole day. arrrgh.
After we finished eating, we stroll for a little bit, and he was asking me if I want to watch a movie, but too bad I had a next class at 1 PM. So we went back to school and part ways. AGAIN, he smiled at me when he waves his goodbye to me. DAMN! Why does he keeps on smiling everytime I'm with him! It just makes me go crazy all over him :)).
Just this morning, he was trying to call me, but unfortunately I was sleeping deeply that I wasn't able to hear any of his calls.
Am I trying to make him feel bad or what?
Tsk-tsk-tsk, nananadya na ata ako eh. Sana lng, wag nyang isipin un.
Ciao!♥
Dana and Nath.
I was the one who shot this photo. I just love them both. :)
